Giving up a grudge, good for the soul

I've always joked about my willingness to hold grudges, but I wasn't really kidding. Over the past year, though, I've learned about what you can gain by giving up on that resentment.

As a general rule, I try to avoid telling others what they should do.

Some of this stems from the enduring difficulties I’ve had finding happiness within my own life. Given everything I’ve bungled, who am I to tell someone else how it should be done? But even if I were insufferably perfect, I still think it’s bad practice to presume you know best. You never know exactly what someone else is going through, and shouldn’t presume to understand all the complexities and concerns being brought to bear on their decisions.

This approach has served me well in both a professional capacity and personal relationships. But there are times that this reluctance to offer anything resembling a personal judgment can mute some of the insights I have managed to gain in my 48 years on this planet. Last week was an example of this. When I looked at Richard Sherman’s willingness to hold (and air) his grudges during a radio interview, I focused on how this was a part of his endlessly intriguing personality as opposed to offering an opinion on whether it’s a good idea to hold onto a grudge as Sherman has.

I don’t think it is, and I base this not on a belief that this specific incident has any enduring meaning because I don’t think it does. Sherman and Mike Salk will both be perfectly capable of going on with their lives. I don’t think anyone was harmed. But in general, it’s a bad approach to have a list of slights that you’re waiting to avenge, and I say this based on years of personal experience. See, I’m also a person who holds grudges. Some of these have been largely superficial, perhaps even comical, like the animosity I harbored for years against another sports-radio host in Seattle. Others were more serious, and by that I mean my stepfather, whom I had not spoken to since 2005. Things have changed for me over the past year, though, and as we approach the end of this year, I think it’s a good time to look at the costs that come from holding a grudge and the benefits I’ve gained by letting go. Just because you can hold a grudge, it doesn’t mean you should.